Hey, guys, it's Diamondman.
As I'm sure you all know, recently, I haven't really been in a good mood. It's not just a "normal" bad mood, either. I mean, it's gotten so bad to the point where I started cutting myself and taking cold showers. I've started to realize that maybe I've been oversharing how I've been feeling recently. So, you might be asking, what caused all this depression?
Well, I've been thinking a lot about past arguments and such, for one thing. I've been thinking a lot about the past, mostly the bad things, though, such as negative comments, the stuff I've gotten in trouble for, you name it. Even recent stuff I've started to feel guilty about.
Speaking of which, there's also recent situations that have been making me depressed. With me trying to be a content man and all while also trying to do better in school, I've been under a lot of stress. It's not just this, but I've been blocked twice in one day this month. One person, I don't even talk to anymore, but the other person, I tried to help improve their mood, but I guess I said the wrong thing, and now they've blocked me.
Thinking about that, I've started to realize that maybe I focus too much on others' feelings and I haven't really been focusing on my own. I still want to help anyone who's struggling in any way that I can, but I also need to be able to prioritize my own struggles, if you know what I mean.
I've received a DM on here from a concerned friend recently, and I think it might have awakened something in me, something that inspired me to make this speech. After reading through it, I started to realize that I've been hurting the people I care about: you guys. For that, I want to apologize. It wasn't right what I've done, and I hope I haven't scared anyone too much. I'm trying to do better.
Speaking of which, I've been trying to find methods of restoring that feeling I've once had, that feeling from when I just started out on here, when I was but a 13-year-old Sonic fan. I've been reading some of the recent comments a little more carefully, and I've been thinking about doing some of those things, as well as listening to advice from my friends and my family. As well as those, I've also been looking up some ways to improve my mood, and I've taken meditation into consideration. Heh, little rhyme there.
I personally wish the best for you guys, and I hope you're all doing well, and better than I've been doing. I'll try to take better care of myself, and I hope you all will do the same.
Anyway, with all that being said, I'm glad you took the time to read through all of this, if you did, obviously. Sorry if it's longer than what I normally post, but I just wanted to get this all off of my chest, and I feel a little better now that I did.
CIEIRMusic
I was just about to comment about those other posts. I only just read them. I am glad though that you were able to see what you felt was wrong with you. The only thing I would like to add is the following:
1. If you can't help yourself, you can't help others. Sometimes even if it comes across as selfish, you need that self care so that you'd be in a better position to do so.
2. The only thing that matters in your world other than yourself, is the people you know and love. If you went all the way, a lot of people on this site alone let alone your Personal Life, would miss you greatly. The rest that hate you? Fuck 'em.
3. The most important thing. You're still young and still a kid, as bad as it sounds, this isn't the worse thing that could have happened to you. Granted it took me way longer than you to reach the maturity you reached to make a speech like this, the struggles of your youth will soon cease and once you become an adult, things often always get worse before they get better. I know that, because I was barely in my 20s when I lost everything that mattered to me back then. But that doesn't mean it's all bad. It just means that things get more harder as time goes on and as long as you make it through it all things do eventually get better. It's like the saying goes "Rome wasn't built in a day."
Other than that, just be yourself. People appreciate you for who you are, not what you can give them.
Hopefully things work out for you for the best from here on.